By: Gabriela Gotay is a writer, indie author, and blogger trying to live her best creative life. At her blog thecreativeconfidential.com, she shares ideas and resources to embrace creativity and entrepreneurship at work and in life. Find her on IG @GabrielaGotay and @Creative_Atelier
As a millennial woman, I value my independence. As a writer, I crave my time alone. Being by myself is an essential part of my self-care routine. But after thirteen years as part of a couple and ten years of marriage, I cannot deny the benefits I have gained from this relationship of two.
Sharing our life's journey with a loving partner adds a special kind of magic to our everyday. It opens unexpected paths to self-reflection, self-improvement, and self-growth. There's much we can learn about ourselves from our interaction with another, from our daily commitment to choose each other and appreciate our time together as a gift.
In this journal entry, I want to share with you the ten beliefs that have become the frames through which we look at every minor and major event in our life as a couple. They have helped me, and my husband lead a healthy marriage for the last decade, but much more than that, they have helped us grow as separate individuals, hand in hand.
1. Patience is a Muscle.
We'll never run short of opportunities to flex this muscle. External or internal issues may tug at us, but there's no excuse to treat our partners badly. When we accept and believe this we become more careful with our words and actions, we stop blaming the world and dumping our negativity on them. And when a very human moment overrides our best intentions, let's be patient with ourselves and quick to offer an assertive and sincere apology.
2. Generosity is Priceless.
Don't save your generosity for strangers. Believe the best you can give has nothing to do with money or material things. Start sharing of yourself freely at home first. Find those daily moments and fill them with your loving words and actions. We are truly generous when we give unconditionally of our most valuable resources; our love, our attention and our time.
3. Cultivate Balance.
A relationship is a serious commitment and it should be seen and taken as such. However, this very serious business must leave room for flexibility, room to breathe, laugh, and grow. Every new situation that arises should be seen through its proper light. Let cool heads and open hearts prevail. Everything that falls within the safe and secure limits you've set for yourself can be found a resolution, a compromise.
4. Grow Together to Stay Together.
We must strive every day to grow and transform, become better human beings, better citizens, better professionals, better partners. We need to show the willingness to try, make mistakes, learn and grow. Wisdom will be the result of this self-growth process. Wisdom is the seed we need to water now for the years to come.
5. Laugh like Children.
Humor is the basis for a healthy relationship. We must learn to laugh together; at the small stuff, at the human moments, at the mistakes and the lucky outcomes. Find the humor in trials and fails, ordinary things and circumstances. Harness the mindset that makes events more bearable and the magic that makes the ordinary become extraordinary. Have fun building your own castles in the sand.
6. Wear No Masks.
In a world where everyone puts on a mask, let's create a space where we can show our faces freely and share our thoughts openly. Never aim to tear each other down. Always try your best to build each other up. Let honesty and truth be the threshold we cross every day when we get home. Isn't it nice to be able to be just you, and for that to be good enough?
7. Keep Curiosity Alive.
We grow when we are curious, and we let ourselves follow our curiosity. Down the rabbit hole, we'll go. And if I cannot go, I'll be your open wings. Let's be endlessly curious about ourselves, about each other. Let's find inspiration in our own discoveries and share them with one another.
8. Fight Fears with Gratitude.
We can choose to be happy with what's essential, with what we have, what we've built. We can choose to experience happiness moment to moment. And we can let gratitude for each of those moments fill our hearts with hope for the future we may get to live together. Let gratitude put everything in perspective.
9. Live like Lovers.
As a couple we stand for something, we stand for love. Let love be in the way we show to each other we care and inspire the world with the connection we share. Let's consider ourselves lucky, let's be a little bit obsessed about what we have, a little bit passionate about our relationship and about this little world we're building together.
10. This is all we have.
The present is all there is. Let's be here when we hug and when we kiss. Because every moment is fleeting. Is not meant to last forever, but we can make it so this instant. Let's not make the past or the future the place where we live. Here and now is the problem we need to solve, the mistake we need to fix, the beauty we need to see, the love we need to show, the gratitude we need to give.
Take from these beliefs what resonates with you. Implement with intention. Leave the rest. Be inspired to take a moment to think about and write down the beliefs that guide you and your partner's lives together. Those are the beliefs that count. Remember, as a couple each of us brings a set of beliefs to the relationship. But the wonderful thing for me has been seeing the transformation of some of my old (limiting) beliefs, and the birth of new and authentic ones we can share just between the two of us.
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